Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The nanny hunt

In a town where everyone knows everyone, and where you've got family, finding childcare is easy. We simply used my sister's trusted childminder, knowing Lady P would be in good hands and would have the added bonus of spending more time with her cousins. When we needed a couple of extra days, we used the daughter of a friend's childminder, who happened to live on our street. Lady P was well cared for and I didn't have a moment's doubt or worry about what she was up to while I was at work.

Moving to a new town is not so easy. We have asked friends who live nearby, and found a couple of word-of-mouth recommendations that way. But, LA being LA, they were either too far away or too expensive. Or both.

So we turned to the internet. I signed up for SitterCity, where childcare professionals place their references and resumes for members' perusal. Meanwhile TLOML surfed Craig's List.

While I was scrutinising the credentials of 24 year old nannies in West LA, TLOML stumbled upon this brilliant Craig's List ad. I tweeted this a few days ago, but in case you missed it and in case he's been snapped up and removed his ad, here's the spiel. In full.

Words are his own, or possibly those of his agent. Italics are mine.
NANNY / BODY GUARD COMBO (LA / Beaches / Southbay / Hollywood)

Ex-Military Intelligence, Ex Law Enforcement Officer who is magic with children and animals seeks position with high-profile family with high-quality needs. 6'4", blue-eyed, powerful, freakishly intelligent, world traveled, multi-language, one-man-army, kind, caring mountain-of-a-man. You get the benefit of my magic with children, 183 IQ as well as being extremely aware of all surrounding, my natural protective nature, extreme level of honesty & integrity as well as many, many other skill packages. No messy tax issues or paperwork, looking to work in a subcontractor capacity. Seeking MINIMUM of $120K per year with options for bonuses. Languages include Russian, German, Spanish and working basics in 20 or more languages. Qualified expert in all weapons I have come in contact with, both foreign and domestic. Extremely proficient martial arts. Very active and enjoy activities such as speed skating, power skateboarding, riding wild sharks it the open ocean, skiing, SCUBA, snorkeling, hiking... My friends don't say I am honest, they say I am DISGUSTINGLY honest. My friends say to have me as a friend, is to have a million-dollar-friendship. I do love and marriage counseling on the side and have co-pastored a church in the past. Military and pastoral references available. Our nation bestowed its highest security clearances on me and trusted me with its most sensitive secrets, you can trust me with your children and privacy in all ways.

Search terms: Elite, Best, Professional, celebrity, personal protection, Russian, German, Spanish, Latin, bullet proof, child, children, safety, privacy, private, personal assistant, escort, alarm, GPS, tracking, au pair, aupair,   
Yes, $120k is a bit of a stretch. He's up against a $12/hour Brazilian girl named Daniele with excellent references. But she can't ride a wild shark to save her life. So the jury's still out on our final choice of nanny.

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