Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Wedding fever

It must be a sort of fever, that infects people's heads so as they just can't see straight. Otherwise how on earth do you explain the madness?

I'm talking about such craziness as hiring flamingos, which according to Harper's Nick Rhodes did for his wedding in 1984. Blur's Alex James seemingly had a Merrie Olde England theme for his wedding, complete with a performance from a troop of morris dancers. I'm sure his guests were delighted.

The pressure is really on at American weddings, where they seem to go all out. Or maybe I've just been spending too much time on Style Me Pretty? When I read phrases like 'our signature cocktail', 'add some pizzazz' or 'incorporating our love of cats, Vietnamese food and helicopters' I shudder. And yet I keep reading. It is oddly compelling. My advice, if you follow the link: ignore the blurb from wedmin-addled brides, gorge on the pictures for a strictly limited time (2 minutes is plenty), and then take a deep breath and step away from the computer.

Googling for examples for this post, I came across this lunatic's site which suggests a car park theme: 'the officiating judge could dress like a parking lot attendant'. I don't think they are kidding. And this photo of a Peter Pan and Tinkerbell themed wedding:
 And a Hello Kitty themed one:
I could go on...

Even if the theme itself is relatively sane, the very idea of having a theme at all is a bit odd. As a wise friend recently put it, surely the theme is 'we're getting married'? I think that's a big enough concept to carry the event.

At our wedding venue last week we heard of more madness. The Chief Organiser lady told us about a couple who paid a knight in shining armour - aka a dude in fancy dress on a horse - to be present throughout their wedding. Then, with the wry smile of a fellow themed-nuptial sceptic, she advised us that no, even if we asked really nicely, we could not release live butterflies. Apparently one couple really did want to open a container of butterflies as part of their wedding celebration.

Can you think of anything more hideous? Half a box of flying insects fluttering up into your hair and face - the other half left as carcasses on the bottom of the box. Yuck. The very thought of it makes me want to go pffff and do the flappy-handed wasp dance.

Essentially, planning to say yes is mainly about saying no. 'No' to the releasing of wild creatures, 'no' to the staging of elaborate tableaux, and, sorry to disappoint our prospective guests, but 'no' to the knight in shining armour. I have TLOML for that, after all.

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