Monday, March 14, 2011

Why Team USA beat Britain in sports. The word according to TLOML.

Today whilst sitting on the deck watching a lot of dolphins kill for their lunch, I munched my way through so Soreen, or 'sticky bread' as my family call it. I bought the Soreen after my adrenalin-pumping bike ride, whilst on the hunt for toffees for TLOML, in the nasty English shop in Santa Monica. (I don't like it because when I asked in their so-called English pub bar if they were showing the Ashes, the Irish bar tender didn't even know what sport it was).

Anyway it struck me that TLOML has probably never tried Soreen. I offered him a piece of 'delicious, healty malt loaf', and he said no. So I buttered him a little taster sized piece, and presented it, saying,
 "Sometimes 'no' means 'I don't realise how amazing what you're offering me is, and if I did, I'd say  
 "Okay" he conceded, and took a bite. "Oh man, this is dirrrty. There's no way this is healthy".
I immediately turned to for proof that it was, as I had always believed, a health food. After all it has a picture of grapes on the packaging.
 "Soreen Original fruity malt loaf is suprisingly nutritious and low in fat" I quoted.
 "It tastes like a sticky cake," TLOML countered.
 "97% fat free!"
 "Till you slathered it in butter..."
Undeterred, I informed him, "The website says many sports persons rely on Soreen's malt loaf range as part of their balanced diet because they are packed full of carbohydrates and a great source of energy."
 "British athletes? Or American?"
Hmmm. I had to admit Soreen is not likely to appear in Michael Phelps' lunchbox. But I bet Floella Benjamin and Steve Crane had it for breakfast every day.
 "Exactly. Maybe that's why Britain is so bad at sports,"  said TLOML.

Reader, I could not argue with him. But the good news is, I get the entire Soreen loaf to myself. Good times.

The crapness of Britain at sport is something of a recurring theme. The World Cup didn't help.

Yesterday TLOML and I were involved in our weekend jog round the track at Pepperdine University, where a baseball game was going on. I was laughing at the media set up (loud music, big screens with head shots of the players) and the merchandising for sale. Bear in mind that Pepperdine is, at best, a third tier university (with an incredible Malibu bluffs campus). I mused that even at a big university sporting event, like the Head of the River race in Oxford, or the Oxford vs Cambridge Varsity rugby match, you'd be hard pressed to buy merchandise. You'd probably have to leave a cheque in someone's pigeon hole and wait 10 days for your order to arrive. 'It's crazy how much money and focus there is on American college sport' I said, 'compared to England'.

"Exactly. Maybe that's why Britain is so bad at sports,"  said TLOML. And as usual, I was forced to agree.


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