Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Baby bore

Finally free to travel, TLOML is making up for almost a year's absence from his client's offices with an extended trip. He's gone for a little over two weeks, hitting up clients in LA, Vegas and San Francisco, and visiting his colleagues in Argentina.

Lady P and I are keeping ourselves busy in his absence, but we do miss TLOML. In fact, there isn't space on all the interwebs put together to list all the ways we miss him.

One of those ways, in particular, is that when he is here I can talk constantly about the minutiae of Lady P's activities, to someone whose job it is to care. I'm not just talking about cute stuff like the way she started staring at her hand underwater in her bath, or how she turned from her front to her back. I mean the deadly dull stuff like bowel movements, naps (length, location, amount of fussing), feeds (volume, timing, number of burps).
I know I'm cute, but let's face it, my nappies just aren't that interesting
Usually these little updates are just background noise while gin and tonics are being mixed, cups of tea made, or we're wandering around the supermarket.

While TLOML is away, I send them on email instead. It's tantamount to a bombardment some days. I can send half a dozen emails or more, in a day, outlining Lady P's behaviour. A particular highlight for him, I'm sure, was the one telling him she did 3 poos in 20 hours. To his credit he responded, and not with a request for me to cease and desist. Still, I'm not sure how many more of these missives he'll want to receive. I probably need to rein myself in.

And yet what can I do? I can't stop thinking about this stuff. It is quite literally my full time job.

In the absence of TLOML I am seeing even more than usual of my favourite little sister, and she's doing a valiant stand-in job when it comes to tolerating the baby blatherings. But I see her eyes glaze over after ten minutes or so of my elaborating on exactly why I think Lady P woke at 4.15am.

I suppose that's why people join those mother and baby groups - so they can talk about this stuff with a bunch of people who want to talk about it. The thing is, I don't want to talk about it. It's boring (that's why I have avoided those baby groups). I just can't help myself.

So I have decided to quit. Go cold turkey. No more nappy news emails, and no more unrequested* updates on overnight activities. It won't be easy but it must be done. I am resolved!


Note the use of 'unrequested': pity the fool who ventures to ask the question 'how's she sleeping'. Man have I got some stories for them.


  1. I bet that TLOML has spent the time saying to his clients "Yes, yes, the spreadsheets look good...oh, and by the way she has the cutest little smile..."