Don't call me Mummy

Unless you are Lady P. Or TLOML or a close family member, voicing Lady P's needs. For example, if I say, 'Would you like some milk?' to Lady P while you are holding her, it's perfectly okay to say 'Yes please, Mummy'. TLOML might say 'Let's go find Mummy' to her, and I'm fine with that. But that's about the limit.

Likewise, I won't refer to myself as 'Mummy' to anyone except Lady P. As in, 'let Mummy help you' - as she steers another piece of sweet potato to her face, forgets what she was doing and smushes it in her hair.

Surely the death of romance is the moment you and your husband start calling each other 'Mummy' and 'Daddy', even when there's no child in the conversation - or even in the room. And I would never introduce myself as 'Lady P's Mummy' to anyone except a small child.

Because 'Mummy' is a word that infants (and, okay, some grown up poshos) use for their mothers. It is not my name. I'm her mother. I have a grown up name of my own. Let's be adults about this.

I may be in the minority of mothers in feeling this way. At least, judging by my Twitter feed and the blogs I follow. Why so many people with Twit-handles like '@CutesyMummy', '@FullTimeMummy', '@MummyAndBabyBoo', '@MummyAndMe', and so on? And blogs called 'MummyMadness' or 'CraftyMummy'. No, really.

I've tweaked the names so as not to offend too directly, but you get the gist. They really do exist, and more nauseating names like that, dozens upon dozens of them. I'm focussing on the Mummies, but there are just as many 'mamas' and 'mommas' also making me feel slightly queasy.

But maybe I'm not the target audience. Maybe their child is old enough to read, and they are blogging or tweeting for them. Which is actually even weirder.